Love and marriage. Love and Marriage, Go together like a horse and carriage....

It's unbelievable that I've been married for 10 years now. I think back to that morning before we got married and how it was going to be the most exciting day of my life at that point. And, when it was all said and done it went by too fast. But, now look at us. Ten years down the road, three kids, a couple moves, happiness and love.

I'm so still in love with this man I call my husband. And, I'm so thankful for the blessing that I have in him.

Can't Buy Me...

I seriously do not need money to be happy. Seriously.
I'm not one of these women who needs to shop daily, weekly or even monthly.
I don't have name-brand needs. I'd love some higher end clothes but they are way over-rated.
I don't really care that I'm driving about in a crappy van. I am driving around, after all and at least.
I don't even need to go on vacations to feel good. Let's grab the tent, a cooler and head for the mountains.

But.....

If money can't buy you happiness then why are [we] so fucking miserable without it?

Insane People go to Parks, too!

Oh what interesting people we encounter while out and about, in everyday life.

Today, the kids and I had a home school group playdate at a local park. One mom, my friend Shelly (you are right in assuming that almost everyone I am friends with has the name Michelle or a derivative thereof), and I were talking.

I said, "Did you hear the way he was talking to them!", referring to some man and how rudely he was talking to his boys on the basketball court behind us.

She shook her head and said "gotta love it", to acknowledge and at that time this older woman and her toddler (could've been grandson, could've been son) were at the water fountain.

The woman said, "You aren't being smart-alecy again, now, are you?" and we just looked at each other puzzled. She said, "You know it's GETTING OLD!" and Shelly begged her pardon. The woman started walking past and said, "I get it everywhere I go, why can't you just be quiet?"

At this time I said, "We have no idea what you are talking about. Care to share?"

She replied, "No, what were you talking about?"

I stated, "We were commenting about the way this man was talking to his boys."

She kept on walking and said, "Whatever!"

OMG, that was -like- totally strange. Shelly questioned what was wrong with this woman and I said, "I have no clue but apparently she's got a chip on her shoulder."

Just goes to show that insane individuals are allowed to roam the parks, freely. I mean, we were there, right?

I'm Melting, Meltiiiiinnnnggg..

There's nothing like the unconditional love of a dog and, boy-oh-boy, Sadie's love is unmeasured. She is loyal, loving and just a good ole dog.

But, woooo-dawgie, that girl's got some stank-ass breath. Don't get me started on her paws.

She plops her self in front of me, her mouth gaping, panting. She lifts her front paws on me and I'm double stankified. I just don't think she knows how putrid these smells are.

Note to self: Self, go to the store and get this dog some denta-bones, doggie toothpast and give her a fucking bath!

Lord Have Mercy Upon Me

I will be leaving for Karate in less than a half an hour. I pray that my poor body can take a Sensei Ben beating.

Original Blog Posts!!

I got them back! Robin at Blogger RULZ!!!!!

One Fan & One Actor

I wrote this post at The Fuselage (a LOST site) in the "For Terry O'Quinn .... John Locke" forum:

Dear Mr. O'Quinn,

I am just writing to say that you are a supurb actor. When I started watching LOST I was giddy with excitement that you were one of the main characters. I knew the show was bound for greatness.

My husband and I were diehard fans of MILLENIUM and Chris Carter, in general, but we were really heart-broken when the show's plug was pulled. We have always felt that it was, infact, "killed" because Y2K was upon us and the show was hitting on some seemingly controversial matter. What's your take or knowledge of why that late great show was cancelled?

Also, I would like for you to know that we often refer to "Peter Watts" around here and we say it the way you said it in the series (P-eh-ter Vatts). Your portrayal of him will never be forgotten.

Sincerely,
Mishelle

I wrote that yesterday morning. Yesterday evening I checked back to get this response. TOO COOL!!

I heard it was some political in-house thing at FOX, Mishelle, or maybe CC was gettin' to big for his britches. I don't know, but that show could have gone on for a while. I liked the first season better than the second. TPTB (the powers that be) were afraid it was too dark and brooding. I thought that was the whole idea.Glad you're liking LOST, though.

Terry

Friends

I love making new friends! Since moving to Georgia I have made so many and I'm so thankful for it. Yesterday the kids had a birthday party to attend. There were about 10 other kids there with their moms. A few of us really clicked and we stood around the kitchen island talking for what seemed like hours.

Renee is a former Seattleite, Maureen is a Jersey Girl whom has strong ties to the west coast. These two along with myself and the birthday boy's mom, Heather, just gabbed and gabbed and gabbed and gabbed. At the end we all exchanged numbers/emails and we are planning to meet for coffee. Out of all the women at the party I really felt a strong connection to these two women. It's wild, really. We just talked and laughed, as if we have known each other for years.

Michael's Angel Flight

Written on Sunday September 25, 2005:

Michael was supposed to be home before 2pm yesterday; we had a birthday party to attend. But, yesterday morning, while at Mikey's Karate Demonstration at Play in the Park Michael called to tell me that he and another pilot are making an Angel Flight into Louisiana. They flew in a doctor.. I did ask him if it was safe to fly in due to the wind and rain and he assured me that it was. I pray that everything goes as smoothly as possible.

**Update**

Everything went very well. They flew into New Orleans International and he said, I've driven by that airport, has to be, a million times and I never imagined that I'd be landing a plane on one of those runways."

He told me that it was eerily void of planes and that it was just strange. They flew in from the north (over Slidell and Metairie) and he said that there wasn't a house in Slidell that didn't have a blue tarp on it and that Metairie was now dry. I forgot to ask him about the condition of the Causeway but I'll ask when he gets home today.They landed in 30-35 mph winds. He said it was one of the hardest, yet fullfilling, landings to date.

I Hate Paula Dean

She can just go to hell with her hot fudge banana cream what-ever-the-fuck else sundaes. Yeah, and she can take her little biscuit cups and shove them up her happy little ass. Oh and those pizzas; don't let me even get started on the fucking little pizzas.

Ok, so Paula Dean is not the devil but she's damn close. After all, she can make all this fabulous food that in turn makes me think of things I can make and eat (read: gorge my-fucking-self with). It's just not fair.

I hate having to watch what I eat. Why can't I just be one of those assholes that have a fast metabolism and that can eat french bread for hours straight. WHY? Why'd I have to have the genes that are condusive to keeping me FAT? Someone tell me. TELL ME NOW!

"Mama, Guess What?"

"Mama, guess what?"

"What?"

"I just saved a whole bunch of money by switching my car insurance to Geico!"

"Really now? That's cool, Benny!"

Incompetance!

On Wednesday night before the show we went to dinner and aftewards we went to have a cup of coffee. Jordyn's granmother, Sally, bought me dinner so it was the least I could do to offer to pay for coffee and dessert. We went to this place in Atlanta called The Gregorian Terrace and had a HORRIBLE server named Erica. To add to it, the ever so brilliant and delightful, Erica (NOT!) ran my card through twice, charging me double. I am seething right now. I called the bank and they told me what to do and that there are dispute papers being sent but the best thing to do would be to call the bar and ask them to fix it. I did just that but they won't be able to do anything until Monday morning. The manager-on-duty said he'd call when everything was done but YOU KNOW I'm calling them back first thing Monday morning.

I hate bad servers.

But, moreso, I hate INCOMPETANCE.

[in my best Napolean Dynamite voice, directed at Erica] "Ya freakin' idiot. Sheeesh."

Wednesday Night

It was such a great night. The company I kept was exquisite and I think I have forged a nice beginning to a great friendship with Jordyn.

Sometimes I wish that I could live in a big city. The feeling I get from them are different. I mean, I love the country. I feel that if I had a nice log cabin in the woods by a mountain and a stream that I'd be set but then when I visit a city I think that I could definitely live in a city and be fine.

Atlanta is beautiful. The buildings are beautiful and the feel of the city is very historical to me. We had dinner at the Pleasant Peasant and the feel of that small establishement was very old yet refined as most are in the heart of New Orleans. It was splendid.

I looked like the shiz-nit, too! My hair was perfectly coiffed, my outfit was modernly fashioable, my jewlery chic and my make up perfect. I even waxed and plucked earlier in the day.

When I walked into Michelle's house to drop the kids off she literally had to pick her jaw up off the floor to tell me how beautiful I looked. She couldn't stop staring at me. I was giddy with that "I'm-going-to-a-dance-at-church" feeling. This feeling went away after the church dances became nothing but up until a certain point I would be almost vommitting, I was so excited. I felt this way on Wednesday night.

Written on Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I am going out! I'm actually fucking going out. I'm going to dress up. I'm going to put make up on and I might even wear a dark lipstick. I'm going to have a nice dinner out and then I'm going to see Phantom of the Opera. I'm so fucking excited, I can hardly contain myself.Here's to new friends, new experiences and new freedom. YAY! I won't be prisoner to being Mama. Tonight. I am Me!!!

Something I Found in my Documents

So, I sat there. And I thought about life and all kinds of things that come into play. How everything goes back to how it was supposed to be in the first place. You get that call and you are taken back to a time. We’ve all experienced it. You might be experiencing it right now. Life. Where does it start and when does it end? Think about it, both questions are very hard to answer.

Searching for "Mecca"

Written on: Sunday, September 18, 2005

Yesterday I looked up the directions to the closest Aldi again b/c I wanted to get out there to get some staples. I was wanting to go yesteday afternoon but was too beat (read: Karate and watching 7 kids KICKED MY FUCKING ASS). So, I was pleased to see on the website that our Aldi was open on Sundays from 12-6pm."Kids, we're going to Aldi's. Get your shoes on, make a pee, let's go.", and we're off.The drive is about 30 minutes. Well worth the milage for the price of cereal bars, granola bars, whole wheat bread, dog treats, canned goods and chicken tenderloins; not to mention they have those awesome cheddar brats and turkey bacon! On the way there we stopped at Walmart (and I got a couple Avon catalogs out) and then to my pal Linda's (to give her and her mom a catalog). From Lindalu's we headed down to The Mecca of Cheap Food!I had to call my other pal, Michelle, to find out if I was going the right way and LUCKILY her husband was home to take the call. He informed that I was going the wrong way and told me which way to go and such. So, I finally get to Mecca and there isn't one single car in the parking lot.

What the shit, man?

It's closed.

What the fuck do you mean it's closed?

The website said it was to be open.

This is bunk. Bunk, I say.

So, I call back my directional advisor Mike (Michelle's husband). I asked if he could go "on the line" and see if there were any others close by. I wait a few minutes to call back (read: dial up sucks squirrel nuts) and he says that their website is not working.

What the shit, man?

It's not working?

What the fuck do you mean it's not working?

The website was working just yesterday.

This is bunk.Bunk, I say.

Mike advises me to go a few more miles to another Mecca. Maybe that one is open? We hope. I get the directions (thank you, o wise one) and finally get there. The lights are on. It's gotta be open. The kids exclaim that it's open. I believe it's open and then I pull all the way in. SHIT. It's closed. This trip to Mecca sucked. I'd love to say I'm never going back but the allure of the low-low prices are too strong.

Do You Know the Wonder of Pocky?

Michael and I fell in love with Pocky when we would go to this Vietnamese store in New Orleans. I honestly can't remember what we used to buy there OTHER than Pocky.

Well, lowe and behold, our Walmart (of all places) sells Pocky for 88 cents a box. They have the regular chocolate kind as you see here to the left but they also have the yummy strawberry kind. It's just such a wonderful little treat and beats out any candy-type treat, IMO.

So, my new resolution, which was formulated while shopping for Benny's birthday present, is that I will buy a box of Pocky for those I love whenever I get a chance and that the kids will get a box of Pocky for their birthday. So, you must be ware for a box of Pocky might show up in your mailbox someday. And, when that day comes you will be so in love with it that you will want more and more and more and more.

Long live Pocky and all Pocky products!!!

I Don't Understand My Mother Sometimes

My goodness gracious! I called her to tell her that I was thinking about going up to visit at the end of October for about 10 days. She says, "Well, if you can't you really don't have to." What the fuck? I was calling to TELL HER that the kids and I were WANTING to come, not that we we trying to find a way and that it was like wading through spikes to do it. She went on and on about how it's a long drive, it's boring for the kids, it's tiring for me, yadda yadda blah blah blah.

Finally, I said, "Mom! Look. We want to come visit. One week is better than NO week?"

And she replied with, "Yeah, you're right."

Now, I know that she's [mildly depressed] and all she's looking is for me to rant and rave about how we want to come b/c our visits are special and full of fun and that we really really really really REALLY want to see them. But, for fuck's sake, woman, don't torture yourself. Say, "Ok sweetheart, I'll send you some gas money and you and the kids can visit us and we'll go to Pumpkinville, the movies, to Duff's, to church etc.. etc.. etc.."

[In the Napoleon Dynamite voice] Shhhhhaaa Ya flippin' idiot!

Way to Make a Woman Feel Good!!

Today Olivia had Brownies. We walked in and everyone was already there. So, Livey joined the group and I stood behind the couches and said a few hellos to fellow mamas. Off the bat one of the moms paid me a compliment about how good I looked. I was red in the face, a little. Then another mom stopped me and said "Wow, you are looking GREAT!" Ho dee diddle dee dum!! Compliments from the left. Compliments from the right. I loves it, dontchaknow!

Non-jocks, Dribbling and Penises.. Oh My!

I don't think either boy will be a professional basketball playa!

So-freaking-what?

Benny and Mikey had basketball yesterday. They both had a hard time dribbling but Mikey got it more than his little bro did. Also, Mikey's class was smaller and each child got more one-on-one.

Don't get me wrong, they had fun, I just don't think they will be proffessional Shaqs or Jordans.

I did get quite pissed off during Benny's class, though. There was this big cyclops-of-a-kid that kept taking the balls from the younger boys. Benny and this other boy just stood there watching as cyclops went down the gym, time and time again. I could seriously feel my blood boiling and there might even have been steam coming out of my ears. I eventually got up and walked over to inform one of the "coaches" what I was witnessing. By then dribbling session of the class was over. Yay Coaches for being able to watch and teach 30, 4 to 6 year olds. UGH.

I did try to locate the cyclops's parents so that I might give them the evil eye but I was unsuccessful. I'll try harder next week.

During Mikey's class, Olivia, Benny and I went up to the track that is above the gym and walked a mile. We saw Mikey make a basket and whoop-whooped it up for him. He smiled so brightly! Well, after our walk we sat in the bleachers watching. One little boy, whom was in Benny's class, came down and was talking to Benny about Thomas the Tank Engine. He was a sweet little boy but he kept fondling his genetalia. His mother would scold from way up in the stands and I'd giggle, feeling her pain for I once had a four year old son who was so obssessed with his penis that I had to physically remove his hand from his pants on more than one occassion. I just tried my best to focus on Sean's eyes and not his hands. Apparently, according to what his mom said when we were leaving the gym, he flashed us. She just shook her head.

I just giggled and said, "I think if we had 'em we'd be touching 'em all the time, too!"

Thoughfully she said "You're right. See you next week."

Let Me Introduce You To...

...Avon's newest and most green sales representative!! She's got all it takes to make this work and, by God, she's going to give it her fucking best. She might not get rich but she is assuring those around her that she's going to do what she can to make it a successful enterprise.

She also doesn't know where she's going with this but she's just going! Here's to enjoying the ride. ;)

Birthday Party Day

Today we are having one family of friends (and I ain't talkin' smack *wink*nudge*poke*) over for Benny's birthday.

Lays Chips - check
French Onion Dip - check
Cheese Dip - check
Frito Scoops - check
Burgers (for grill) - check
Hot Dogs (for grill) - check
Buns - check
Mustard, Ketchup, Onions, Tomatoes, Relish - check, check, check, check
Donuts - check
Out-of-this-World Police Man Cake - check
Chocolate Ice Cream - check
Plates, Napkins, Cups, Utensils - check
Birthday Boy Balloon - check
Favors for guests - check
Arts and Crafts - check
Games - check

Now, let's party!!!!!

No One Told Me

No one told me that it was going to be so hard to be a mother.
No one told me that there were going to be days that I wished I wasn't.
No one told me that I'd have to pick my battles with my children.
No one told me that I'd laugh until my sides hurt.
No one told me that these creatures were going to be so demanding and yet so unconditionally loving.
No one told me that there would be many days that my adequacy as a mother would be in question.
No one told me that there would be days that I'd lock myself in the bathroom to escape.
No one told me that I'd be a short order cook much less that I'd learn to actually cook.
No one told me that laundry could pile up so much that it would take a mid-size bulldozer to get it out of the way.
No one told me anything; not one itty bitty thing!
There are some things I've had to learn, feelings I've gone through, fears I've had and continue to have, headaches that pound, mistakes that are made, victories that are won, you name it -it goes on and on...
Motherhood is hard and no one told me that I'd question if I was good at it, daily.

My Benny-Boo

Yesterday Benny was getting dressed as we were going to run some errands. He was talking about what kind of cool dude he was and how Mikey was cool, Livey was cool and Papa was cool. So, naturally, I asked "is Mama cool?". He clearly and quickly said "Nope... You're BEAUTIFUL!" Be still my beating heart. ::swoon::

He's so sweet and in about 4 days he's turning 5. My baby is turning 5. I can't believe how fast these years have gone. One moment I'm breastfeeding him and just amazed that I have these three little "babies". That's all they were, babies (all at once or so it seemed) and now I have this big boy who is learning phonics and calling his Mama "beautiful".

Today I got upset with Mikey because Olivia said that he hit her with his pirate sword. Well, what Olivia failed to tell me was that Mikey didn't hit her on PURPOSE, he did it on accident. I flipped. Dude, I fucking flipped. I had to walk away. Benny came up to me and hugged me and said "You're the best Mama" and I said "no, I'm not, Benny" and he said "Don't say that, Mama, you are the best. I love you." ::double swoon::

That's just his nature. I wish him to always be so sweet, sensitive and caring. I wish that his life is full of happy things that make him into the best person ever. I have no doubt that he would be anything less than the best. My baby Bennyboo is one awesome kid and we were definitely blessed with him in September 2000.

2nd Serious Consideration

I'm considering putting some FUNKED OUT streaks of color in my hair.. OMG, I'm hitting a mid-life crisis. Next thing you know I'll be piercing my nose, brow and belly button!

Ok, so that last part is a bit outlandish but I am considering getting some funky color chunks in my hair. I would like feedback, s'il vous plait!

Serious Consideration

I have been thinking for a long time now about what I could do from home to provide a bit of an income. I really would love to have something that I could do and not have it eat into my time with the kids, for school/activities and the like.

I'm considering being an "Avon Lady". I don't know if it's right for me but I do love make up, Avon is my favorite and I think I could actually sell it.

So, there ya have it. I could be a World Leader of Avon someday.. Wait. Watch. See.

**UPDATE**
I talked to a friend and her Team Leader ( I think that's what she was ) about Mary Kay.

I am going to weigh my options and see which job might suit me the best!

Rock Star INXS

GO MARTY!!!

The Old House, part III

These are the stairs that led up to the full bath, the hall where we had a changing table for a long long time and the boys' and the girl's room!







Mikey and Benny's Room:



The kids would wake up in the morning and the way I would wake up was by their matchbox cars zooming on the hardwood floor. "Time to wake up, Mama!"

Olivia's Room:




It was a sweet little house! I still miss it but I'm glad I have tons of pictures to remember and feel it again!

Love These Dogs!

Sadie Girl Lane & Summer Girl Lane

How could you not love them? They are funny, sweet, loveable and just plain awesome!!!

My God, My God, My God

It's so sad. I'm watching this coverage on Oprah and I've just burst into tears about five times, so far. Oh my God, it's so fucking sad. I'm sick about it. It's been over a week and I'm still feeling really bad about what happened in New Orleans due to the aftermath of Katrina. I don't discount that horrible stuff happened in MS and AL but in New Orleans -my oh my- it was just so bad, heartbreaking, mind boggling and horrible. *sigh*

Guests Are Gone

It's too bad that they had to leave so soon but school is resuming and their mom came and got them. The kids had a BLAST with their cousins. We're definitely going to have to visit - in the winter because any other time in Louisiana is HOT and I ain't doin' dat kinda hot!

The Old House, part II

The Living Room, part 2.. This was looking towards the hallway that let to our bedroom, the 1/2 bath and the door to the basement


Our Bedroom: Looking into it from the hallway. It was a small bedroom and I love that we can walk around the bed in this house but it was a nice room. I loved the hardwood floors and wish that we would have been able to have had hardwood all over the house. One day, we'll live in a house that has w-2-w hardwood flooring!


This was where we eventually set up our computer. There was a cool air duct on the floor by the window (behind the chair in this picture) and Benny used to find my jewlery and put it down there. When we moved there was a ton of change and some Mardi Gras beads in there. This room was an obnoxious pink when we moved into the house. Even the ceiling was pink. I think it took Michael 5-6 coats of paint to be rid of the Pepto Bismal Walls (the same color that the 1/2 bath was).



Looking down the hall from our bedroom. Door on right leads to the basement. Across from that door, on the left, is the 1/2 bath. Just a bit pink, eh?





This goes from the dining room to the living room and beyond the wall, immediately to the right was the staircase leading up to the full bath, hall and kids' rooms!

That front door was seldomly used. Halloween and sometimes when I'd go sit on the front porch to talk on the phone and smoke a cigarette.

Neighbor Julie

Our neighbor, Julie, whom I haven't seen all summer long finally resurfaced yesterday. She's something else; very funny and easy to talk to. I made the both of us some margaritas and we chit-chatted for a while. She left for a few minutes because she had to find her little doggie but came back for another 1/2 hour. When she came back she brought me a tape of her music. The cover is pretty psychadellic, man!

K&B

K&B was the bomb of all stores.
It's too bad that they no longer exist but what a horrible sight it would have been to see them flooded. A piece of New Orleans history right there. I will be ordering a tee-shirt with this emblem on it.

It will be my new fave tee-shirt when all is said and done!

Tonight...

I will be, essentially, a mother of 5 (8 if you count the pilot and the dogs).

Christopher & JoJo (nephews from LA) will be over with Michael after he gets out of work and gets them from his mom's house. The kids are STOKED! They just can't wait to spend times with their cousins and that is just very heart warming (I almost typed warm hearting). It's gonna be a fun week, I'm sure!! I say that with all sincerity and no sarcasm. I swear.

I'm still kinda feeling cloudy in the head from all this Hurricane Katrina aftermath. I have just turned to the Food Network. I think I need to seriously detox from the news and what better way to do that than with BOBBY-fucking-FLAY!

Friend Kiara was going to come over so that we could go to the beach but she lives in Lawrenceville (read: Bumfuckegypt) and she said she really didn't have much gas and we're all about conservation these days, aren't we now? So, I just need to do something. I've called Friend Michelle and hopefully we can do something (the beach, the pool, whatever). I. Just. Need. To. Get. Out. Or. I. Might. Explode.

Okily-dokily. Ciao for now. I must put my culinary skills to mad use (read: make lunch).

The Boss Makes the Best!

Who's "The Boss" you might ask? I'm not talking about Bruce Springstein. For the Lane family members know who the TRUE BOSS is: Me!

Lately Olivia has taken to calling me "The Boss". That girl is the fucking genius of the family, don'tchaknow! She finds any occassion to tell Papa how Mama's the boss and he's not. Basically she tells him to stuff it. Hahaha *pointing at the pilot* snicker, laugh, howl...

This morning I decided to treat the chi'ren to a breakfast of all breakfasts. I made easy-over eggs for Mikey and scrambled (with feta) for Livey and I. Mikey and I had green olives and he had some sliced ham. Livey, Benny and I had some lovely turkey sausages and the kids all had a piece of toast. Benny will still not give eggs a chance. However, he now eats pasta with red sauce so I'm not fucking complaining. The breakfast was complete with ketchup, Juicy Juice and coffee (pour moi). Benny sat in my seat so he was Mama. Mikey sat in the pilot's seat so he was Papa and Olivia sat in her own seat thus declaring her the WINNER! I sat in our guest seat making me anyone I want to be. Hmmm.. Whom shall I be? Let me think. I think I'll be Angelina Jolie. That way I can look at myself in the mirror for hours and masterbate thus making Angelina Jolie have multiple orgasms. But, I digress.

Back to the topic at hand.

While eating Olivia looks over at me and says "My Boss makes everything the Best!"

Let it be known from this day forward that I AM THE BEST! My daughter said so and she is a fucking genius, don'tchaknow!

Awwwwwww....

My husband is so great! He ordered me a subscription to Redbook! I just got my first issue.

Note to self:
Self, kiss the pilot when he comes home tonight!

Uncertainty

I cannot even wrap my mind around the turn of events down in LA. So many people have lost their homes and it's just unimaginable. Many more have lost more than that. It's so turbulant. I have the childish thought of "can't I just go to sleep, wake up and it will be over" and then I remember that slumber will not make all of this a nightmare; it indeed happened.

I've caught myself shaking my head a lot lately. A good portion New Orleans is gone. Who knows if it will ever be able to be re-established. Uncertainty abounds and it's quite frightening to me. I just think that something like this can happen anytime. It doesn't have to be a natural disaster but shit like this can happen to anyone, anywhere. Quite honestly, it scares the fucking happiness out of me.

Then on the other side of the coin I have these three wonderful extensions of life around me. I have a man whom with one look let's me know that I am so important to him and loved immensely. I have parents, with their worrying thoughts and all, that care enough to give all that we need when we need it and love unconditionally. I have friends that bring joy to my life as opposed to toxicity. I have my mind. I have my body. I have my soul. I have everything I need to bring happiness back in. And, still, I shake my head and worry.

I need to stay grounded with the SFU lesson:

LIVE FOR TODAY, KEEP HOPE ALIVE, TAKE CHANCES, LOVE ALWAYS and CHERISH YOUR LIFE AND THE LIVES OF THOSE YOU LOVE.

A Disturbing Issue

I noticed in one of my pictures of New Orleans I have Fucking Torpedo Tits. Here's the deal, yo. I was much fatter and my stomach poked upwards spreading my FTT's out to either side. ::puke::

[deep breath]
I am very happy to report that I no longer have said Fucking Torpedo Tits. There are 50lbs that need to still be shed but at least I don't suffer from the debilitating FTT.[/deep breath]

Evening Coffee

Tonight, this is how I am going to deal. I am going to drink coffee!

Oh and...

The TV's still on. Thank goodness the kids are very happy with their legos, puzzles, books, crayons, markers, paper and playdough.

I think after dinner we should go to the park to get some fresh air. It would do me good to circulate my blood.

Will They or Won't They?

God I hope that New Orleans is salvagable.

I just can't imagine telling my grandchildren (or, fuck, my children for that matter b/c they probably won't remember it) about the city and about how it died after Hurricane Katrina hit it at the end of August 2005. I can't help but well up with tears when I even think about it.

My first trip to New Orleans was with Michael in 1994. I'm almost ashamed to admit it but I didn't even KNOW of New Orleans prior to meeting him. How pathetic, right? The birthplace of jazz, the cultural mecca, the place where the good times roll, the food, the people, the mix, the history. How I didn't know of it baffles me but I digress.

That first visit and I was sold. I wanted more and more and more. In 1996 I got more. We moved there. We lived there for two years and I'm sad that I didn't do more with my time there but I was also away from home for the first time in my life. I was newly married and it was all so different for me. I just didn't do enough. I didn't write enough. I didn't sit in enough coffee shops. I didn't make friends that I know I could have made. Dammit all.

After we got pregnant and decided to move back to NY, I mourned it. At one point I *almost* tried to convince Michael that we shouldn't move back but plans were already set in motion. I wonder how things would have turned out if we stayed. I wish we had. I wish. I wish. I wish. Wishes don't count for shit, though.

Everytime I've visited the city, though, I have felt at home. It was a place I felt so comfortable and so at ease. And, now it might be gone. It seems logical for it not to be rebuilt but what a fucking loss that would be. *sigh* And, now they say that our economy is going to be affected. I'm just so sick of it already. I'm thinking an asteroid sounds pretty good right now.

This is just so incredibly depressing. I really do have a glimmer of hope for New Orleans. Maybe the Quarter will be saved and New Orleans will just be a tiny community of people who chance living there. I dunno. Can we just fast forward a couple years already?

Must. Shut. TV. Off.

I am currently addicted to watching coverage on Fox News Channel. If I shut it off I feel that I am missing something and if I keep it on my head feels all fucked up.

Blah.

Good Morning

I really love the way that Benny snuggles up against me. He's such a little love-bunny and I just eat his warmth up.

I'm on cup three of coffee. I thank New Orleans for giving me the love of coffee. Before that I never drank coffee and quite often professed disgust for the black elixir. Not any more. Man, if I didn't have my coffee, watch out!

Watching the coverage of the situations in New Orleans are very sad but I read some interesting blogs from people located in Uptown. It was good to read that some have power (via generators), food and that they have a little tap water that they can boil and consume.

My heart hurst for the people suffering over there. I can't even begin to verbalize how I feel but anger has set in. Why didn't helicopters drop massive amounts of water on I10 by the Superdome? It's just bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Horrible. Bad.

I'm going to end with a good note:

Michael just called and he said his mother called him this morning to discuss how the best way to get into MS would be. She's going to meet with Lana (Michael's sister) to get the boys. Lana said that looters have filtered into their area (around Baton Rouge) and the boys are not safe and they want them out. So, he asked if I minded if the boys stayed with us during the week. What do you think Mr. Lane? Of course I don't mind. I love those boys! They are family!

Family. Didn't I just learn that lesson with that Six Feet Under finale. Why, yes. Yes, I did!

Memory Lane

I'm taking myself back to New Orleans. That culturally rich, fantastic city that once was. I pray that they can salvage it and I pray that one day I walk the famed streets again.

The Torment

Mikey is currently assaulting the dog with a bouncy ball. The little shiznit knows full well that Summer eats bouncy balls like he eats cheese puffs. The dog's tail is wagging uncontrollably. She will get that ball. While the children sleep she will creep into their rooms, searching for this orange ball, she'll find it and eat it and then we'll have shit and puke to contend with. Thanks for tormenting the dog, Mikey, thanks! Woo woo.

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