Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Ant Graveyard

One of the most annoying things about living here is that we have ants that come in and scavenge the kitchen countertops for food. And, not only do they do this and force us to bag and twist-tie everything that they can get into but they also get in the back bathroom (the one in our bedroom). It's absolutely crazy.

The most baffling phenomenon is "The Ant Graveyard" that has developed in the hall bathroom (the kids' bathroom). You can go in there, at any given time, and see the carcasses of dozens of ants. Even more baffling is the one or two ants that roam around, aimlessly, picking up their dead friends' bodies. Ant God only knows where and what they do with the empty shells of what they used to be?

Yeah. Ants. They are the suck.
Yeah. Ant Graveyard. It's just a little freaky.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Some Famous Dedo Quotes

One time Dedo Mite was telling Michael and I about his coworkers (he was a mechanic for big trucks) and how they would eat lunch and belch. He said it was so disgusting and he hated it so one day he let a big assed fart rip.

Some guy said, "Hey Mike, that's gross!"

Dedo Mite retorted, in only a way he can retort, "Eh, some people dey burp in da mouth en some people dey burp in da ass. I burp in da ass."

Michael and I lost it!! To this day we use this quote. Long live burping in the mouth...and the ass!!

After we were married Baba and Dedo kept my bridal announcement on their fridge.

One day I was over and Dedo and I were at the fridge and I said, "Look at that nice bride!"

Dedo put his arm around me, squeezed, pointed at the picture and said, "Purty gurl, purty picka!" I busted a gut laughing and he walked away red-faced.

The big deal is that the word "picka" is pronounced "peachka" and it means "pussy". See?

More famous Dedo quotes:

" Hey Big Boy "
" Is my medicine " (referring to his moonshine)
" Shuddup Milevo! "

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Best. Damn. Muffins.

I had three mushy bananas and added those to 2 boxes of this muffin mix. Oh. My. God. High in fiber and healthy and no skimpin' on the taste. The kids and I just ate one, kinda warm, and I could probably eat the 8 that are left over but then that wouldn't be too healthful. But, oh boy, I see weekly muffin making in my future. Maybe I could shred some veggies (zucchini, carrots) really fine in my food processor and trick Benny. Hmmmmmm.... Things that make you go, "hhhhhmmmmmmm"...

Where Do Kids Get These Stupid Ideas From?

I made some popcorn for the kids while they watch their movie. I walk in to refill my big-big cup o' water to see Mikey crushing the popcorn in his bowl with the end of his light sabre.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making small popcorn!" ::smiles with pride::

"Dude, are you kidding me?"

If you could see me now you'd see me shaking my head in total, utter disbelief.

I had some stupid ideas when I was a kid. Like, hide-and-go-seek-in-the dark! Who's the brainiac that came up with that one? I mean, come on, it's pretty inevitable that someone's gonna get hurt. I did once in my cousin Mike's basement in South Buffalo and that ended with a trip to Our Lady Victory and stiches to the forehead. Or how about the time that Kelly Phillips and I decided to be cops and robbers and she had to chase me through my bedroom window. We got outside and then we couldn't get back in. We rang the doorbell and I recall having my ass handed to me, in front of Kelly, for proposing such stupidity AND actually following through with it. Or how about the times (yes, times, plural) I used to pretend I was Wonder Woman and I'd climb up on the copper tube that extended from the hot water hearter, in the basement. Oh what a genius. Years later I told my dad and he almost choked me. Hey, or how about the time I decided to decontaminate the water jug from the fridge by filling it with soap and water and leaving it on the counter. I mean, that's a disaster waiting to happen; like, your dad drinks it and chases you around a 1000 square foot house exclaiming, "I'm gonna get you, PICKU MATER".

Seriously, where the fuck do kids get these ideas from?

RIP Mr. Miyagi

"Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished, just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so, squish", just like grape. Understand?"

I'm So Bored It Hurts

It's not like the kitchen doesn't need cleaning, or the laundry doesn't need to be completed, or this big basket of socks that we aimlessly search through daily for socks doesn't need to be put away, or the home schooling shelves don't need to be organized, or the garage doesn't need to be cleaned, or the sheets don't need to be changed, or the tables and shelves and pictures and knick-knacks don't need to be dusted, or the Christmas cards don't need to be written out, or the house vacuumed with the ever-beautiful-new-vacuum-cleaner, or the dishwasher emptied, or like I don't need to exercise, or take the kids to the park, or go to the death-trap-of-a-store-Walmart to buy a birthday present for one of the countless children's party that we get invited to, or like I don't need to mow the lawn just one last time, or bring the Christmas decorations out of the attic, or, or, or, or, or, or....

And, despite these countless things I COULD BE DOING, I'm still bored. I don't want to clean the kitch, do the laundry, sort the socks, organize shelves, clean the shithole garage, change the sheets, dust, write, vacuum, empty the dishwasher, exercise, go to the park, go to the death-trap-of-a-store-Walmart, mow the lawn or get the Christmas stuff out of the attic.. I don't wanna. And, here I sit, while the kids watch Star Wars, BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND thinking about ways I could go eat some Chinese food and totally BLOW my diet for the week. Blargh!

Friday, November 25, 2005


I think this Thanksgiving takes the cake for the most relaxed, most laidback and most different. I got up around 7:30, put on a pot of coffee, got the kids some milk and Ovaltine, sat down at the PC for a few with my coffee, got Michael up, got ready and we left the house about 20 after 10. We got to my mother-in-law's house at about 11:30am and set out to the Marietta Diner. I had the best cup of seafood bisque and it has spurred an interest in making my own. The kids' plates were really fit for adults and the traditional plates that we had (Regina & I had turkey and all the trimmings, Michael had roast lamb, Mr. Tommy had baked ham) were overfull. And, boy-oh-boy, was it ever good. We went home with 4 to-go boxes and we actually got into them later on, at home, and made ourselves sick doing so. After lunch we went back to the in-laws' house and I tried to feel comfortable but my belly was too distended and I actually felt better to stand than to have a seat. About an hour later we piled up in the truck and came home. The rest of the day was spent lounging around while the kids played and we talked to my parents and grandparents, too. I got online and roamed all the empty boards. At about 7pm I fell into the bed and power-napped for 1/2 an hour. I woke up, just in time, to get the kids bathed and ready for SURVIVOR! After that we threw the chi'ren in their beds, said prayers and kissed them nigh-nigh! The rest of our night was spent belly-achin'. Lesson of the day (which I'm sure many learned the hard way): DO NOT OVEREAT!


Lately I feel that I can't take a good picture to save my fucking life. I mean, I used to be able to turn the camera around on myself and get a great shot and now all I get is shit. It must be a psychological thing. That's it! I have mental issues.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thinking Out Loud

Or better known as writting down my thoughts!

Christmas Gifts

Ball & Glove
GI Joe Sigma Six

Paints & Brushes, Charcoals, Sketch Pad
Latch Hook Kit
Sky Dancer

Big Octopus
Octopus books & a shirt
Sir Danju Knight's Kingdom

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

So I Lied, Sue Me!

Yes, I cut my hair!

HOWEVER, I did it for the sake of style and not shortness. I actually found a great hairdresser and she did a great job. This picture is after my hair dried almost 75% by air. When I blowdry it it will be much less wavy but the wavy works with the style.

I'm diggin' it.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

The Gooey Geyser

I don't know, but all I heard was "Hey get on my back and ride "The Gooey Geyser".

Honestly, I don't know where they get these things from. *looks around*shrugs*giggles*

Someone, please kill me now....

Olivia has lost a plastic saber tooth tiger.
The world is ending.
She has been begging Mikey to help her look for it for hours now.
I have wine in the fridge.
Drinking it would at least make me numb.
Otherwise, I might call a friend.


When you drink too much coffee you shake.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Spots on the Nose are SUPPOSED to be a Sign of Intelligence in Dogs...


I just let the dogs out to pee/poop. Summer took care of her business and came in. Sadie, however, felt the need to traverse down the hill. Fine. She usually poops down there. Well, one minute I see her and the next I don't so I walk down, calling her all-the-while. No response. Finally I see her and she's choking down something. Oh Mah Gahd. What the fuck could she be eating? I high-tail it. I see her eating bread from a store bag, the plastic kind. What? So, now I'm yelling and throwing pine cones, acorns, grass, whatever at her to get her away from it. I go to climb up the hill to smack her away from it and I tumble, backwards and land on the left side of my face. Nice. Real. Nice. Finally, I get up the damn hill and pull her away only to find that the bread is moldy. Ugh. Stupid. Stupid. Studid. I push the bread with a stick that I found through the gate of the basketball court, close the gate and slide back down the hill and get Sadie back up to our driveway.

So now, I'm wodering if she'll get diarrhea from the mold. Michael says these things always happen to me but they don't. I just take the dogs out more than he does. Grrrrr...

My question is this: WHO THROWS BREAD INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S YARD AND WHY?!?!?!!?!!?! Fuckers.

Rock On O'Eldest Son O'Mine!

I'm playing various MP3s on the PC and playing right now is Headstrong by Trapt. Mikey is digging it. Yeah, my son likes good music!! Well, no he doesn't b/c he disses DMB every chance he gets (LOL) but at least he knows that this song ROCKETH!


This is the first time in years that I have ABSOLUTELY no desire to cut my locks. I do hereby declare that I will grow my hair out until it is long and lustrous!!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Long Live Borat

"I want to do a romance inside of you."

"In Kazhakstan we have many hobbies: disco dancing, archery, rape and table tennis..."

"If you come back with me to my country,(....) I will give you television and remote control..."

"Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp or make jam. But the most fun is to kill a a little animal with a shotgun or rip him up with a wild dog."

"There is land of opportunities in US of A. For man, construction work, taxi driving and accountancy. For woman, as a prostitute."

"We say in Kazakhstan, "Woman who goes with book is like horse without...Saddle.""

"We say in Kazakhstan, "You find me woman with brain, I find you a horse with...Wings.""

"In America, women can vote but horse cannot! It is the other way around in my country."

"I am very strong physique and I can hold a very large woman down for 3 hours...I am strong, I can throw rock at a gypsy from 15 metres. 10 metre if I am chained up."

I Have Officially Grown Up

My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas and upon serious thought I told her that I wanted and needed a new vacuum cleanerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (my r key is sticking sporadically; sue me!). So, we discussed possibly taking a vacuum back with me after our fall visit but I had so much stuff to lug back that I asked her if we could do a gift card or something and I could just buy it here. She agreed, no problem what-so-ever. So, last week she called to tell me that Kohl's was running a special on various bagless models. I bought the paper (I'm trying to clip coupons to help save money) and parused the ads. I saw the Bissell that Kohl's had and it met all the requirements I had for a new vacuum. I told herrrrrrrrrr of it and the next day I went and got it.

Fast forward to yesterday. I took the new, dearly beloved, sparrrrrrkly, beautimous vacuum out of it's box and screwed in the handle and looked over the little book and I plugged it in and I began cleaning. Oh. Mah. Gahd. I think I had an orgasm. It was WONDERFUL. There's these two buttons on it and when the place you are vacuuming is dirty the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred light will shine and then when it's clean a green light will shine. How cool is that? There were patches of carpet that were so infested with dog hair, human hair, dust and general microscopic shit that I went over the spot like five times before the green light told me to go on. By the time I vacuumed the whole house (half-assed, mind you) my bagless container was full of compacted grossness. I was appauled. But, the house was clean and a new smell emerged. Our house doesn't really smell like dog (at least I don't think it does but it might) however the new, clean smell was wonderful. Truthfully, I can't wait to pull it out again and if Michael weren't home sick today I would've already done used it again. Hopefully he'll be well enough so that I can get a few minutes of vacuuming in tomorrow morning.

There you have it. I'm a grown up. I got really excited over a vacuum cleaner. I bragged about it at Olivia's Girl Scout meeting. I called friends and told them about it. I spoke to a stranger about it. I even dreamt about this vacuum, last night. Now I've blogged it. I'm fucked. Really I am. "I don't wanna grow up, la la la la la la..." Oh well, it was bound to happen sometime.

Now I'm off to iron. Because, oh yeah, my mom gave me money for a new iron, too. It's a Rowenta. Apparently the best on earth. We'll see how it compares to the Bissell (which btw is NOT in the garage b/c it has it's own special place in a closet - I was not about to have my lovie in a cold garage now, was I?).

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Email From My Sempei


You did a great job tonight. You are getting to be such a pro! I know you are smiling right now.


Go me, go me!!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

How Do You Spell That?

"Is this your grock in the toilet?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"I just looked down and thought 'Ahhh it's an oyster'."


"How do you spell that? Grock? G-R-O-C or G-R-O-C-K?"



Friday, November 11, 2005

Vonderful Vino

I am enjoying myself some vino tonight. Three quarter of the way through my first glass I am feeling FINE. My face is warm and my brain is starting to tingle a little. Vino is vonderful.

Go Me!

I made The. Coolest. Friend. Yet.

God, I don't know how He does it but He puts these people out in front of us that we are just meant to be friends with. Today I met a lady at the park after a birthday party we attended. We walked the park which was great exercise and while her son walked with my crew, she and I talked about TONS of stuff and we talked as if we had been friends all our lives. It's remarkable, actually.

I feel really lucky. Really lucky.

Avon and Little Girls

"Mama, where is that Avon book you gave to that lady today?"

"Uh, I gave it to the lady."

"No, where is the one ... LIKE it!"

"Oh, it's on the countertop in that box."

[pitter patter of feet running to countertop]

[pitter patter of feet running back to my room]

"Is this it?"

[look at catalog]


"I want to order something."

"Honey, I don't want you to order anything from there."

"But I have my own money."

"That's fine but why don't you just save it?"

"Because I want to buy something."

[spot IKEA catalog]

"OH LOOK a book just like Avon but for FURNITURE!"

[Avon catalog crashes to floor]

"Can I order something from HERE?"


Happy Blah Grumble Grrr

I love how Halloween is over by 3 minutes and the stores are setting up their Christmas displays and how on the TV we are bombarded with Christmas music and gift-giving options. Makes me ill, quite honesty. We haven't even cut the Thanksgiving turkey or put the whip cream on the pumpkin pie and Santa's sitting in the local mall. Sure, egg on the kids to perpetuate greedy little bastards. Yes, that's harsh but that's what they become - Greedy Little Bastards! I have GLBs of my own even, though I try my hardest to teach them to appreciate what they have and to love the season for what it truly beholds.

This holiday season my goals are to gather friends, cook and bake, do crafts, enjoy music and movies of the season and advocate togetherness. I'm thinking about what I can do to get all the children we have befriended together. My house is small but I think I want to open it up and have a Kids' Christmas Party. I say thinking b/c in some way life takes twists and turns and all my plans get turned into mush. So, while I have good intentions they are still in the works. Wouldn't it be nice, though, to make some nice eats and have friends over. My dream is to own a house someday that will be able to be opened up to all our friends for a holiday party. I'm convinced I could through the bombity-bomb of parties!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

No Shit Sherlock!


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Wonder of Pony Tails

"Mama, I love your hair."

"Really? Why?"

"It's just so beautiful!"

"You think?"


"Thank you, Benjamin."

Friday, November 04, 2005

Back Home From Home

I'm glad to be here, too. Time to get back to the grind of daily life. However, I needed this trip. Mentally, I needed it and physically I need to be here now. It's time to lose weight, get rolling on from review to new material with the kids, time to possibly get involved in new things, time to get healthy and exercise again, time to snap out of previous funks.

I would like to try to do a daily visit log from my time "home". While it was mellow I got to see all those that I WANTED to see. Purpose of trip fullfilled.


In a previous post regarding who would play various people in my life on the bigscreen I said that my DEAR, BELOVED, EVER FAITHFUL COUSIN PAULINE would be played by Camryn Manheim. While I do believe that Ms. Manheim is qualified to play my DEAR, BELOVED, EVER FAITHFUL COUSIN PAULINE I do not believe she is right for the part.

Two actresses that are vying for the part are Maggie Grace (Shannon of ABC's Lost) and Lisa Kudrow (Valerie of HBO's The Comeback). I'm sure whomever fills my DEAR, BELOVED, EVER FAITHFUL COUSIN PAULINE'S part will bring her to life and people will question if Pauline was indeed cast as herself. That. Believable.